This is excerpted from our Shamanic Ministry Program curriculum. We are working the energy of what it means to be a person and how personhood evolves on many levels. Chief to understanding personhood is the context in which it is invented. There are myriad ways to understand it, but the best way perhaps is to understand the dynamics of belonging, competition and what we call "mediumship." Mediumship in this context simply refers to our ability to match and unmatch other people's energy. Matching involves channeling characteristics, feelings, and ideations from another being into your being. We do this consciously and unconsciously all the time. The presumption of what is written below is that an individual will match and unmatch different people and groups throughout their many lifetimes. In so doing an individual will achieve varying degrees of belonging simply by virtue of matching energy. This article describes what happens dynamically once the matching or unmatching begins.
“I want to belong!”
What happens when you are are wanting that?
Be aware of what it means when you are asserting that you do not belong. Awareness of not belonging comes from you having weighed, measured and judged yourself as lacking in some requirement of belonging.
You will invariably formulate a plan for establishing that belonging, and within that plan lie your unique mental image pictures of what belonging means to you. These pictures are always created from strategies and experiences you have enacted over lifetimes relevant to obtaining what you are lacking.
When you employ any kind of strategy you automatically acknowledge some level of competition with either your own defects or the demand that you meet some standard that you will be judged by.
For instance: “I want respect!” Built into your wanting is the fear that people will not or do not respect you. This wanting also presumes that there is something lacking in your relationship. This presumption of lack triggers pain, and the pain then becomes a problem that needs to be fixed. The analyzer (always the first to rescue you from problems) kicks in and reasons one of two things.
It is your own fault
It is their fault
What follows is the concatenation of a list of behaviors you will engage in to fix the problem.
You may decide you need to have a certain amount of money before you can be respected.
You may decide you have to drive a certain kind of car before you can be respected.
You may decide you have to look a certain way before you can be respected.
You may decide you have to cultivate certain friendships and relationships before you can be respected.
You may decide you have to destroy someone or something before you can be respected.
You then go about fulfilling a checklist of all of the things to achieve so you can be respected. What often happens is that after so much effort you find yourself having pretty much everything on that checklist; and yet you are still not sufficiently respected or happy. Shouldn’t you be happy? You did everything you thought you needed to do. Something went wrong. There must be a problem. The analyzer kicks in and reasons:
It is your fault
It is their fault.
Right back to where you started...
How do you break the chain of failures to be respected, liked, loved and happy?
Perhaps you should stop trying.
We said earlier that underneath the hood of your wanting lurk fear and pain pictures. Consider that going into effort and going through the motions of PROVING you are worthy of something only makes your fear greater and increases your pain. When fear and pain pictures get bigger, your need to prove your worthiness to others increases and you can get really stuck in a life that ultimately makes you miserable.
Consider how others perceive and react to your efforts. They may laud your achievements: You got the money. You got the look. You have everything required to be measured a success. But can they ignore the frustration, fear and pain that fuels the engine of the life you have created?
Success often yields failure of another sort which is why so many people (especially sensitive people) find it elusive. Consider that an inability to reach a standard of belonging is your soul’s way of saying, “Wait a minute. I’m afraid. Something hurts.”
So where does competition come into the picture? With the two judgments that launch belonging-seeking behaviors:
- It’s your fault (competition with yourself)
- It’s their fault (competition with others)
When competition arises:
It engenders obsessive/compulsive beliefs and patterns. It creates “machine” energy in our emotional drive and motivation causing our sensory abilities to be shaped by the problem-solving analyzer’s programmed limits.
Alternative viewpoints and ideas cannot be seen or heard because the energy gets set to narrowly focus one's awareness through the blame picture. The blame picture dictates the powerful feeling, “I NEED this to be true,” and therefore, “I won't hear or see anything counter to that truth.”
Resources are employed into forcing the blame picture into being a truth. Some call this delusion. I call it resistance. Maybe it is both. When you do this you are investing life force energy heavily into the fear and pain pictures behind the blame - making them so big that they take over your being. Have you ever heard the axiom, "You can become what you resist?"
Being in competition causes us to avoid looking at our own doubts, fears and vulnerabilities because our ability to perceive what's under our own hood gets cut off. We stop hearing the voices of our pain or seeing the evidence of our fear. We grow psychically blind and deaf.
Competition is about making rights and making wrongs. It is about procurement versus discernment. People sitting in competition energy seek to gain something they believe they need desperately. This desperate need becomes the siren song and rigidly guiding principle over all that can be seen, heard and comprehended in one's life.
Souls being cut off from seeing and hearing each other or themselves suffer. Competition reduces reality itself to suffering. Someone has to pay even if that someone is me.
The suggestion to avoid these pitfalls is to "stop trying." Pull back. Let go. Do all of the things a good meditation practice can deliver. Giving yourself the space to breathe and separate from winning the game takes you out of the friction and frey of all the pressing matters that seem monumentally important when you are lit up in fear or pain.
Making yourself at home with your ability to exit the frey brings you back to neutrality. When you can be neutral to something you can see and hear it clearly. Your discernment is keen and your disposition toward that something flows effortlessly. You know what to do. What to say. How you feel. Your relatedness to that thing is understood and peaceful. Neutrality yields total comprehension.
For instance if you are neutral to wealthiness, you are likely at ease with your own truth about wealth. If your truth is to make lots of it, then you can do so effortlessly. If your truth is that you should only have what you need, then you will effortlessly manifest what you need.
Getting to that truth is the trick of the matter. To begin that journey you have to learn to let go. Pull back. Find your amusement in life and learn to stop playing games that nobody ever wins. Are you in this to be happy, or are you in this to be something else?
Isn't happiness what seeking to belong is all about? Coming out of competition with yourself or others brings you to neutrality where you can answer that question for yourself.