The Curse

Slice of life moment: My dad, at the behest of my mother, burned a Christmas card in a copper flower planter out by the pool just a moment ago. Why? To remove a curse my mother believes was placed on her by a relative who sent the card. The relative is a nice Episcopalian lady who has been sending gestures of caring and friendship for 40 years, but my mom insists she's a witch and has always had it out for her. They asked me to "remove the curse" because of my profession, and because I have actually done stuff like that and mentioned it in passing ... when it was more or less "real" .... so I laugh every time they ask me and recall actual practitioners of magic I have known and think of my poor Auntie Netta and how her only "witchcraft" is to send kindnesses to her hard-hearted sister in law. The laughter never fails to incense my mother who interprets this as me siding with "black magic" and turning against her. It's funny how when things go wrong people still look for witches casting spells as the reason.

In the rare case someone has committed their life forces against you, you'll know it. It won't be evidenced by mere "bad luck" or someone in your life making (more) stupid decisions. It will be entirely in the pain you feel and experience at the enforced separation from that soul. You will be diminished. If misfortune results from that separation, you have to do the work to reconnect to that soul ... that means forgiving him or her and getting back into the flow of the way of things. Resolving the separation with love. Retaliating, or warring with that being only increases the divide and the concomitant pain. We have lifetimes to sort these things out, so it's entirely possible that my mom and Auntie Netta are working out something from a past life ... one which will carry on into the next I think. When I "remove a curse" I try to clear the energy that effects the separation. It can be quite gnarly and full of religious energy or hate-filled cultural distortions. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it's amazingly easy - especially if it has gone on for many lifetimes. There is a soulful weariness that comes with holding onto fear and hate and when a healer (psychic, witch, priest, priestess, etc.) creates an opportunity for redemption it is often accepted very quickly ... but sometimes it is not, and the "curse" lingers. When you commit to hatred and separation you commit to pain. And the only person that can truly "remove" that commitment is you. It's hard. We all hate sometimes. We all stare into our own darkness, and finding it unbearable seek to disassociate from it by pointing out its existence in others, and of course THAT is the reason there is darkness in the world, because it is allowed to go unchecked all around us, and we must band together against it. Let the witch hunts begin.

We all curse one another regularly. Know that with every "fuck you" you open the door a little bit more to feeling shitty yourself because you are wanting for another to feel shitty. This is how darkness multiplies. We feed it more darkness, and then wonder why it never seems to leave. Darkness consumes darkness to stay darkness. Light consumes light to stay light. But each also yearns to consume the other. That yearning is neither dark nor light. It’s human.  Whether we are consumers of darkness, consumers of light or simply yearning we humans are uniquely situated between darkness and light. It may not be the all or nothing proposition that it was to the angels, but then again it may. I honestly don't know.

There are many parts of me that are lightness yearning for darkness and darkness yearning for light. The parts of me that are in darkness are in that state because they are cut off from light. Places in my being where I have been cursed and cursed myself; and that curse has yielded the phenomenal pain of separation. A pain that I believe is uniquely human, but I'm not certain of that. That pain has also yielded phenomenal growth in awareness. It has been caught up in a collision of yearnings in my human experience - colliding also with the yearnings of others. We as individuals and as a human community commingle these yearnings in every way imaginable. These are often the ties that bind us to one another throughout life and even in many lifetimes. These also perhaps represent the cause of incarnate existence. We incarnate to resolve yearning. We incarnate because we all collectively ate the apple. We are all stained with that "original sin" that took us out of a mindless but soulful place in paradise and supposedly demoted us to a place squarely in the middle of light and dark, of good and bad, of love and hate, heaven and hell. I don't know what the purpose of this battle of opposites is about, but I do know what caused it. Yearning and desire.

So fuck you fellow humans. I curse you all for not loving me unconditionally. I curse you all for not saving me when I needed you. I curse you all for every annoyance and pain-in-the-ass look or cruel remark you will deliver. I curse you for tempting me to darkness every single day by marginalizing what light is within me - choosing instead to vilify me for my demons and my courtship with demons - making me of course more valuable to demons. I curse you for your lies and cowardice and fear. I curse you for your darkness. And as I hang here on a cross of my own making, I'll forgive you ... because you know not what you do.

 I'll go deeper within, because you forced me, to light a light rather than curse my own darkness. I'll seek out others to help me feed that light until it is ablaze inside me, or I'll die ... many times .... trying.